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I give my right bicep an experimental poke and — horror of horrors — the flesh hanging down flaps sadly back and forth.
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Then I follow Rich’s instructions and do 30 press-ups and 30 tricep dips — which involve gripping either side of a kitchen chair and lowering myself up and down towards the floor. I graduate to an exercise called kettlebell swings, which involves gripping the weight with both hands then moving from a squat to standing, swinging the weight above my head. I couldn’t feel happier if I’d found myself a 22-year-old Italian toyboy. This plan is definitely sustainable, so I plan to keep in shape.
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‘But I only want to get rid of my bingo wings,’ I cry. However, he gives me a look that tells me it’s all or nothing — and I tell him I’m in. Later, I manage to do 20 bicep curls (holding the weights with your arms straight down, then lifting them up, bending at the elbow, so that they touch your shoulders) while waiting to be put through to someone who can sort out my council-tax bill. I stagger home, barely able to cross the road on my quaking legs, but the next day I get a perverse pleasure from the pain. Every second day is a ‘bingo- busting’ day — and I take every opportunity to do a few minutes of exercises. While my computer boots up, I do a few bicep curls.